Emily: A Mother's Love

I'd like to start off my first post by saying that I knew my sister's would be more apt to post than myself. I figured that since they have both shown me up by creating posts already, that it was about time to think of what I would like to share! 

Well, this past week I returned to work for the first time since Gabriel has been born, so spending quality time with my sweet baby boy is all that has been on my mind. I always knew that having a baby is a life changing event, but I never imagined how much every aspect of my life would be affected. 

One of the things people tell you is that you will never sleep again after having a baby. This has been completely untrue in my case. The most that my son has gotten up at night is twice to eat. He is 3 months old and has been sleeping through the night for a good 5 weeks now. I have taken more naps in the past few months than I probably ever have (under 10, but still!). 

What people don't tell you (or don't explain very well) is the innate desire that you will have to be with your child. It is such an intense, deep desire that is difficult to explain. It affects your whole being- physically, emotionally, spiritually. The first time I left my son was probably for less than a half hour. I could feel my body going into a panic at the store when one of my purchases would not ring up correctly. I knew everything was fine, I knew Gabriel was fine, but my body was panicking. I could not control it. 

That is exactly how I have been feeling about going back to work. Panicked. 

Many people have been praying for me, and God has answered. My first few days back have gone better than expected. Yet I realize at the end of each day how much I missed my little boy once I see his adorable face. I struggle with putting him to bed at night, because I just want to spend more time with him. In the mornings I don't want to say goodbye, and my husband helps out by being the one to drop him off at daycare. When the clock turns to 5:00, I am out of the office and on my way to pick him up. I know I will get more used to working, but at the same time I will always have that desire to be with my child. 

Right now, I have my first day off after returning to work. My sweet baby boy is sleeping on my chest and my heart is happy. This is exactly where I want to be and I am thankful for these moments. My life is changed forever, and I would never go back to the way it was before. How blessed I am to have someone so precious to me that makes leaving so hard!!

With a full heart, 
Emily